THE INTER-HOUSE SPORTS

I’m not the best sports man you’ll see around, just an average athlete, I perform a little above par in most major sports excluding basketball (I really suck in that) and womanizing.
 It was that time of the year again, our annual inter house sport, the whole school was buzzing with band beats and screams of left right left right alt one two, guys with their shades on ready to scope anything scopable, the most fun part of it all was that three periods were out for the day, Math (didn’t do my assignment), biology and economics, missing those three subjects at a stretch was priceless to me.

I was dumped in green house, green house had the reputation of coming last always. Preparations were underway and I was tested for 100metres senior boy, as expected I came second to the last and couldn’t make the 100metre team, but managed to make the relay team. As part of the most senior students in the house, I cheered our runners, assisted the girls in perfecting their march past formation, and watched over our bag of pure water and glucose, at least I was useful in an aspect.

It was the heat day, the stage was set, the lines were re-drawn, the band beat was louder, and adrenaline was stinking. I couldn’t miss the front row for anything so I got to the field early and booked a seat. Suddenly I saw our house master running up and down looking as if he lost his future (sorry to say that, but he did look that terrible) he spotted me and ran up to my seat, he then told me I’ll have to stand in for one of our runners for the 200metre race who was absent, the other that could have replaced him was injured, he kept on talking but I couldn’t hear anything at this point, all I saw were his lips clapping.

I was psychologically, physically and emotionally not ready for this race, but I didn’t have a choice. I went to the back of a building and changed into a sportswear, as I made way for the starting line, I was pushed down by an imaginary bastard, stood up, dusted myself and got into position. At this point all I was looking at was the ass of the guy in front of me, #on your mats# the fastest runner in the school was running this race too, you needed to see how scared I was, It was as if I was going to be jailed if I ran that race, as this thoughts crept to my mind I heard #GOOOO#.

Giddyop, giddyop, giddyop, I saw no one in front of me as I swiped my hands and legs recklessly, made the first turn and still first in the race, I could hear myself say “you can do it”, green house members were screaming my name, made the second curve and still number one, my name was the shout of the minute, had covered like 130metres already and still first. At this point I could feel the pain banging my chest, my legs were as though I was wearing timberland boots, and my hands were as if I was holding a glass of water. The next thing I saw was the ass I had earlier stared at in my front getting smaller and smaller and tiny, then another ass flew by, then another was beside me, managed to steal a look at his face only to see all his teeth and neck veins hanging out, can be mistaken to be smiling awkwardly, the poor guy looked as if his scalp was hit with a club.

It felt as if a fan in my system stopped rolling. I realized I couldn’t qualify for the final event, so I decided to add another twist to the race and feigned a fall(Oscar winner for best pretentious act), concerned spectators shouted awwww, eeyah. I felt it was better to be pitied than to be laughed at.

At the end of the inter-house sport, green house was last just like green white green would perform in the Olympics, and at the end of the day I felt proud of myself, some said I could have been third if I didn’t fall, some said I was first for more than half the race, and I say I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t partake in that race.

Thanks for reading………                                                       

A DAY WITH KIDNAPPERS

Can imagine what the old woman would have been thinking that sunny afternoon, her grandson got abducted by aliens, got kidnapped for ransom, rapture occurred, he just disappeared, choose what you want, truth is i willingly walked out the door to satisfy a desire I couldn’t let down. This is the story of the day I got neighbours and well-wishers thinking I got kidnapped.

Grandma came to visit, and she would be sleeping over for few days, I was happy to have her around, only that she was an hindrance to my habitual fun time with my grown friend, bro Muyiwa(most of my friends were far older than me) We’ll talk about stuff, really learned a lot from him, watched movies together and my favourite part computer games. At the slightest of chances, I’ll run to his house, and now that mom and Dad were not at home was the perfect time to go have fun

 I had to make sure my assistance won’t be needed at all in the house, so I made everything she’ll probably be needing for the next one hour available. i inserted a movie in our 3 disc changer Samsung dvd "the king and Ann" and made sure she was watching with the hope she’ll sleep off soon enough. After few minutes I told her I wanted to buy biscuit just over the street and I took off never to be seen in like six hours.

As soon as I got to my destination, I forgot the chronicle of the whole day, the day was going just as I expected, I lost track of time, 1hr seemed like 10minutes. By the time it was 60minutes by my own conversion, I heard a knock on the gate, Liu kang was beating the shit out of Kai, I paused the game and went to check who was at the gate only to see a team of community volunteers on a search hunt. From their reaction I knew I would be singing R Kelly’s "if I could turn back the hands of time" in a couple of minutes.

When I got home I didn’t know what do or say, I just went inside my room to sleep. The neighborhood was buzzing with rumours that I had been kidnapped. The lucky part was that my parents were not around during the whole drama, by the time they came back from work the dust had settled. They were more absorbed in the story than the lead actor.

A WEEKEND OUT OF SCHOOL

Leaving school during session isn't one of my things, but when i got an invitation to attend my friend's sister's wedding i made it my thing for once. this is the story of the weekend i made a new friend.

i left school early enough to make it for the reception. The reception took place in a big hotel in Ejigbo, the atmosphere was the typical Naija wedding scene,  women on gele running helter skelter, big boys in shades, men in agbada with newspapers peeping out of their armpits, ambiance of food cries "ai ti get ounje nibi bayii o, e gbe moinmoin lo si side ibeyen"the music suited the occasion. By the time i got there i was famished, my host(Akin) was able to take a break from his aburo iyawo duties and brought me fried and jollof rice with meat and chilled coke. at that moment i felt like doing MJ's moon walk and hugging him but i just told him "thanx bro"

By the time reception was over, we(Me, Akin and his in-law) decided to chill at the venue before we leave for our hotel, we gisted for some minutes before we got bored to tears and decided to call the spices of life to come and spice up our discussion. in 5 minutes three known ladies to the guys walked up to our seat, one sat with each of us, i was using one side of my eyes to scope my pick and my other eyes was at my phone(snake xenzia). the other guys got to business and were already deep in conversation with their cohorts. Akin noticed i wasn't talking to the other girl. he then did an extended introduction and got back to his acquaintance, at that point i was expected to take off but i wasn't in the mood for chin wagging. i tried my best though to bring her back to life cos she was very busy with her phone too.

ME; ....................so what university are you   

HER; I'm still in secondary school

ME; so what class

HER; SS2(first term for dat matter)

ME; WOW

i glanced at Akin and gave him a frown, i continued chatting with her and most of our talk was on her secondary school(do you have a school daughter? bla bla bla talk) i was crying deep inside that this people should let us start going. she kept on talking and i just wished she could kiss the sky for once, she told me to excuse her and left me, for a moment i was thanking God, she then called and told me to walk down, Akin had earlier left so i thought it was our cue to leave not knowing the party just started, i went after her and asked her where Akin was, she had no idea, she then told me to come with her. as if i was hypnotized i trailed her behind until we got to a less crowded place let me say, something close to a dark corner, i was enjoying the drama cos i wanted to know what will evolve that night, i then tried to talk but she halted me saying "let's forget about my school jare" she then started asking personal questions like my age, my number in the family and so on. i gave her any answer and told her it would be better we check on the others before they leave me behind, she was a bit reluctant but i insisted. 

we left the place and went back to our former location, i even felt ashamed walking beside her, anybody looking at us will mistake me for her big uncle. we didn't really say much again that night until she asked for my phone number, i gave her sha. by the time we got to our hotel, she had already called me four times, i then said to myself "I'm in trouble"

the next day was saturday and it was the wedding proper, i was the odd one out, all the people i knew were dressed in tux, i was wearing my unstarched blue guniea without a cap. the church service was interesting though long. i felt a vibration in my pocket and it was my new friend calling me, she told me she was outside the church and wanted to see me, i told her i wasn't leaving the church until after the service. after the service i made sure i didn't see her, even at the reception, i saw her looking for me but i somehow managed to escape unseen. 

from our conversation on that friday, she told me she'll be going back to school on monday which implies she won't be able to call until xmas break.suprisingly i haven't heard from her since then. 

HAPPY MARRIED LIFE TO  DAYO AND TOPE

Nov 12, 2011.

GROW UP(my birthday mix)

GROW UP that was what a girl friend told me when i made a stupid joke in class, the phrase made me feel remorseful although it was aimed at shutting me up. i then took hold of the word, chewed and digested it, this action made me reminisce my journey from pampers to tissue paper.

in retrospect of what i was like as a young boy, soft toned, chubby cheeks, fresh smooth skin, cute fingers, peaceful playful habits, nobody could help but show me love minus times i pooh pooh and urinate. just like most kids out there i had this charm that was hard to resist.

i never really cared for anyone except my parents, sister and food, my thoughts were as clean as clean, my hate list was scanty, just the family doctor, my maths teacher, Segun Arinze and Abacha(R.I.Pieces). i woke up daily without fear for anything except those in my hate list, i had no crushes, contacts, it was basically eat, sleep, play.

As the calender marked December 27 of every year, the delineation became clearer, i then began to realise I'm not supposed to be forever young, all of a sudden i had too many people to care about, my thoughts became occupied, all what used to mean a lot to me became callow and immature, my once scanty hate list witnessed  expeditious increase, i had too many friends to watch out for and please, painfully lost some in the process, started being conscious of my body structure, skin, clothes i wear. i began to grow hair in unnecessary places. i had bumps to worry about, my once playful habits turned violent, the whole picture became complicated.

Since I'm no longer a kid, i can no longer play police and thief with friends, sit with my father's friends, get anything i want by crying, can't run round the house naked, sleep in between my parents at night, it goes on and on. truth is i miss all these and wish it could go on for some more time, but like my friend told me I've got to grow up.

if you ask anybody how he sees him or herself as a parent, they probably envision themselves with their partner and "young children". Nobody wants to imagine a grown up child, every parent wants to forever have his baby. what i probably need to do now is to live and enjoy my time by doing things i won't regret in future, and first on the list is my Education.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

The Three Wise Women and Dapo

in a neighbourhood parents will lock their wards indoors to protect their future individuality you won’t want to be home alone with your old folks, well I happen to be a victim of that scene though it was for a few couple of years but I found it hard before being inured to my condition.

I grew up with three lovely sisters (Yetty,Bolly,Deo) Yetty was my elder sister while Bolly and Deo were close family friends.  We did lot of stuff together, attended the same primary school, and interchangeably attended church, watched movies together, a lot of my childhood highlight was in the company of these three beauties. I was proud to be the lone guy amidst three lovely girls, not every guy has that chance, though they suffered me small o, but we thank God.

It was a very painful experience to witness the perfect picture fade right under my gaze, it was mainly for no other reason than because I was the guy. They all went to an all girls secondary school and I was left alone with my parents. Resumption nights at home was always a horror day for me, I’ll codedly find a secret spot to lick my tears, I was successful in hiding my true feelings about them leaving for school until now, I always gave them the I don’t care attitude just to prove how manly I am.

Just like a broken mirror it has been extremely hard to put together that once perfect picture as it has been swept away by the time phenomenon

DEOLA

YETUNDE

BOLA

I can proudly say today that a huge part of who I am was in the hand of these 3 angels and I don’t have any regrets.

Times have changed, trees have grown, professors retired, even justin bieber is dating, so have we developed. I’ve gotten to that stage I hardly see any of them. Deola is presently in her service year, Yetty and Bolly are both undergoing their masters programme in separate institutions and my lonely self is in his penultimate year in a private university.

To the three girls that made me, I unofficially say a big thank you for the moments, to Deola I’ll miss making pancakes with you, 80% on the same side during our arguments with others even though you’re not always right just giving you support to make it two-two(hope you’ll forgive me) to Bola I’ll miss your tasty meals and our unisex gists, and to my sister Yetunde I want to finish typing before this year runs out so In summary I’ll say I never wished for a better sister, you rock. And for all your buts and commas I’ll keep it for a later day.

DAY I GOT NAKED

If what happened to me on this fateful day was a scene in one of Mr. Ibru’s film, you would have been forced to start your stomach (laff), ok let me not lift your expectations, it might turn out not to be funny and in turn lead to another embarrassing moment for me, but as at now this remains one of my top most embarrassing moments in life. It was the story of the day I got naked in my bathroom.

December 2008 couldn’t have ended in a more emphatic fashion, we were early enough to celebrate yuletide in our new house and I get to sleep in a bedroom I call my own, shower in my bathroom, u needed to see the way I was blushing on this day. I spent the first night in my room, it wasn’t too cold nor warm, it was just perfect. I spent the early hours of the next morning arranging and rearranging the room until I ran out of tsn(the style network) ideas, it then occurred to me “shower time”

I turned to my room door, reached for the knob and twisted the key until I heard KPRAM, did a quick strip dance for my pillow, i saw my towel but left it in the room, I mean what’s the use since the room door is locked I can do what I like(that’s what I thought) I entered my bathroom and closed the door in Adam’s kinda suit, took my time in the shower, brushed my teeth, scrubbed my unmentionables, shampooed my hair, in short I had my bath. After I was convinced that I’ve had a clean bath, I made way for the exit only to get the shock of my life.

I turned the door knob of the bathroom door and it had no effect, tried it over and over and over and over, but it still didn’t open, realizing I was naked and stranded I sat on my closet and placed my hands above head. i could hear my phone ring in the bedroom but it was the least of my problem. In my head I was contemplating whether to shout or to chillax until someone in the house misses my presence, I eventually decided to chill, after like 30minutes it seemed like nobody was missing me so I had to try the other option but it had no effect either.

After like an hour food was ready and mum wanted to find out why I wasn’t out early for breakfast, on hearing her footsteps I screamed then she came by and I explained the whole incident to her screaming. The chairman of the house heard of this and I could smell his breath of anger from where I was sitting.

They called for the carpenter and they were able to break into my room, before they set me free. The moment they opened the door, I saw my mom, dad, and the carpenter, I didn’t know if I was to cover my unmentionable with my hand or just free it, run to grab my towel or just walk to pick it, in the end I stood looking at the trio looking at me looking at them.

My room key was seized and I never asked for it since I don’t intend locking my room ever again until my honeymoon sha. I can never forget that day, to think of it our family friends came over shortly after the incident.

It’s Freezing Dry, not Boring!!!

A good friend of mine (Babatunde Apampa), inspired by the cold weather wrote this beautiful piece, i stole it from him and decided to put it on my blog. ENJOY!!!!!

Cruel in nature, life zapping in conquest, as sharp as a blade he slices with one feel of his swiftness. He dominates the day and even the night, he is like a knight, vicious in ambition and shrewd in personality. He is either hot, cold or both, but nobody leaves the story untold. He is the only one who can make a man shiver and sweat at the same time and anyone who dares mention his name, he seizes their lips and sucks the moisture from it. He is The Spirit of Hamarttan.

In a land, far, fAR, FAAAAR away from civilisation, a land known as Bowen, The Spirit of Hamarttan chooses his victims. The land is populated mostly by delicately framed females, harmless male creatures, livestock and vast acres of vegetation, a perfect location for the cruelty of his personality.

Like a thief, he waits patiently for the fall of the sun and the rise of the moon, more so for the candles in every room to vanish into harmless fumes. Just when everything seems peaceful and calm, he attacks with full force, slicing the lips of the people, freezing their waters, drying the vegetation and making Vaseline man’s best friend. His presence is sharper than a thousand bayonets.

When dawn comes, and the surviving able bodied of Bowen go to the fountain to fetch, he attacks yet again, blowing crystal sharp winds, making them shiver and his best attack is with cold water...

...But not everyone is scared of him. Infact, a few enjoy his presence for the reasons: no sweat, quick laundry, the chance to wear their fashionable sweaters and the chance to keep their lovers warm in their arms...They do not know what they are in for, the ones that do not fear. The Spirit of Hamarttan becomes more vicious with time. He is angry...

Babatunde Henry Apampa

Smooth